Thanks for sharing your story.

I’m younger than most dads (19) and i kinda in a selfish way wish i could do more with my life.

I guess the one thing that i could say is i am all that he has.His mum gave up full custody to me as she couldn’t handle caring for him.What keeps me going is i don’t want to let him down.

My childhood was a broken home… everyone made such a big deal out of it. I didn’t care, except the part that we never saw my father until the day he got angry at my mother and took custody of us. That was a bad father… any parent who uses the children as leverage is a bad parent. Though, I can assure you, saying you won’t do it is far easier than not doing it.

When I wanted to get my divorce, more than a few years back, I was very worried that the divorce would hurt my children. However, therapy turned out unnecessary, they didn’t care. When I teach up at the local school, you can find any number of children who will say “Man, I wish my parents would get divorce, I want to have three Christmases next year!” My children have a grandparent Christmas, a Christmas here, and one with their father.

Over the years, it has come to my attention that there are levels of fatherhood – levels of degrees to how a father is a good or bad father – and that only the children can really tell you if you were a good parent.

My father thought he was a “good” father, but I think he was a terrible father. My ex thinks he is a good father… let me say that I will refrain from comment.

What do I think a good father is made up of? I think that a good father is any man who is willing to put his own needs aside when his children need them. That any good parent will remember that it is important to have their “own” time, but that all parents should be available to their children.

Not all children need the same amount of attention, but if you are always there when they need you, you do your best to always provide for them the things you both (mother and father) agree they need, and you do not spoil or beat your children… then you have been a good father.

That is all it is, really, be there when they need you.

I can’t imagine what you must be going through, but I know one thing: It’s never too late. Looking back at the words above that I wrote 5 years ago, I can say that I’m not the same person now that I was back then. Only you know what you truly want — not what you think you’re supposed to want, but what you really, genuinely want. And, if what you really want is to have a relationship with your son, then you can make that happen.

It might not be easy — he may not want one with you at this point, and may never want one — but you should never give up, if it’s what you truly want.

Every journey starts with a single step. Make up your mind and take that first step. In the worst case, you die a fool for trying, which is no worse off than you are now. However, you can’t even begin to imagine what the best case could possibly be … endless possibilities.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing your story. It’s helpful to know that we’re not alone and that we’re all broken and flawed in many ways. Do the best you can.